Viagra for Zoomers
I first started taking Viagra at 19,
when I’d finally tricked a girl into having sex with me, but failed to get hard ~60% of the time.
She wasn’t ugly, I was just a nervous wreck. She was an adorable 5’5 Chinese girl with a big face, who loved me because she was lonely.
She loved me more once I started taking the pills and fucking her like a porn star. So then I had to use them forever.
I remember reading a Reddit post one night, where they theorized that it’s now common for Terminally Online Zoomer Men to experience erectile dysfunction with an actual human woman, after years of jerking it alone to screens.
And the solution: you could use ED meds like Viagra to "train" yourself to get hard for a real person until it became a habit, and then that would be the main way you’d get aroused.
It sounded legit to me, so I booked a “Men’s Health Appointment” with a “Men’s Health Specialist” at the university and told her exactly this.
I was always pretty good at talking women into doing things, so she just wrote me a prescription for generic Viagra and sent me on my way.
From then on, I took Viagra nearly every single time. And Hoo Boy did it fix the problem. Suddenly I went from Level 1 Noob to Porn Star Freak, overnight.
I hate to be advertising degenerate shit like this, but the effects were undeniable. You’re so hard it almost hurts, your stamina is legendary, you become a woman-pleasing machine. Which feels cool at first but then over time becomes extremely pathetic and sad.
I never told her I was taking it. I’d often sneak off into the bathroom to pop a pill.
Sometimes I’d forget to take the pill, and the sex would be garbage. I’d get to like 70% hardness and cum in 2 minutes and say “sorry” at the end and wonder if she still liked me.
There were just a couple side effects. It always made me dizzy and extremely flushed— red-faced, blushing like an anime girl. I’m not sure my girlfriend ever noticed or made the connection; maybe she thought that’s just what happens when guys have sex. We were each others’ first love, we had no real frame of reference.
After losing my health insurance post-college, I switched to BlueChew.
BlueChew is basically Viagra for Zoomers. BlueChew is a little blue tablet that kind of tastes like sweet minty mouthwash and contains the active ingredient in Viagra, Sildenafil.
BlueChew advertises its product in male-oriented spaces, like podcasts. They realized Zoomer guys were the new demographic for low-key internet viagra a long time ago, and have made many millions in this market.
BlueChew does not require a real prescription or consultation. You visit the website and fill out a form and do a 2 minute zoom call with an Asian guy on a virtual background and you tell him “I Am Experiencing Erectile Dysfunction” and he says “all right, sounds like you need some Blue Chew!” and then you pay like $30 and they ship you the pills on a biweekly or monthly basis.
BlueChew was a godsend for me in those fun time periods in-between girlfriends. I’d always carry it on me, just in case.
I took the pill in self-defense, knowing that giving the girl more pleasure would increase the odds she’d fall in love with me, that she’d call me back, that she’d categorize the sex as “good” and want to do it again, so that I would never have to deal with that terrible loneliness I feel in extended periods of incel-dom.
Some of the worst moments in my dating app fuck boy life were when I Forgot The BlueChew:
Like when that stupid south asian rave bitch at the University of Washington who was too high to understand the plot of the movie “Catch Me If You Can” was comfortable enough to let me smash,
but I wasn’t expecting her to be so easy— so I look into my bag and Fuck I forgot the BlueChew, fuck, so I’m failing to get hard, and I don’t even remember her name but I sure do remember how pathetic and helpless I felt after we had sex and she just went right back on her phone, completely unfazed.
She responded with much less interest and respect after that episode and I knew our FWB situation was over.
I wished so much to tell her:
you don’t understand, i wasn’t ready, i didn’t think you’d let me fuck today, i forgot the Blue Chew, I usually make girls like you scream and convulse and grip the sheets for dear life or dig their nails into my back, usually it’s like a swamp down there, you’re not ugly, I just need the Chew, please have me over again, I swear this could be a good thing, mutual physical therapy, god damn it i can’t believe i forgot the BlueChew,
but I couldn’t say any of that, because what the fuck, so I just sadly walked home and went back to the app to find another girl and try again.
I started giving BlueChew to my friends, calling it ‘The Adderall of Sex’ because it just makes everyone better. Yeah some people “need” it but it does make everyone better, it’s simply a performance enhancing drug. Larry David talks about this.
I don’t use BlueChew when I fuck my girlfriend, though, because I only use it to make girls love me, and she already does. She doesn’t need the best dick ever. It would be like using Adderall to work at Walmart.
Seriously, the stamina this stuff gives you is insane. Or at least in my case. If you’ve ever been fucking and like a normal healthy man you feel the need to cum after about 40 seconds of clapping 20 year old female ass, and you’re like what the fuck how do guys last so long in porn, in media, etc: it’s because they’re juicing. I take this stuff and give hard consistent dick for like 20 minutes— edging, switching positions, watching her feel things she’s never felt before, realizing more and more that I don’t take it for me, I take it for her. It’s kind of romantic: I can only give, not receive, pleasure.
Real sex is supposed to last about 40 seconds. It’s supposed to be like taking a shit. You just need to do it and so you do it and it’s done.
But what I’m doing with these girls is not real sex. It’s some kind of show. It’s me trying to make them feel the best they ever have, so that they love me, so that I’ll always have options, so that I’ll never be alone.
I only take it with new girls, only in the process of courting them, impressing them, and so once we’re together I stop, because it really is just blood pressure medication. Then I only take it on special occasions, or when I want to reward her, secretly.
Not ever telling her, of course. Never telling any her, or anyone, any of this, because it’s all so very desperate and sad, I know. Jesus wept.
One time a short yet relatively high-status gay guy was questioning me at a house party.
He was asking me if I satisfy my girlfriend. If I have a big dick. I know any way I answer is the wrong answer and I have nothing to gain here, but I play along and say I don’t know, she seems pleased.
He negs me because that’s what you do when you want to fuck someone and he says You Probably Have Boyfriend Dick. I don’t know what that is, at the time, but it’s not hard to guess.
What I’m just now realizing about “boyfriend dick” is that it’s not that men who are boyfriends have small/average sized dicks (as the female arbiters of the term must surmise),
it’s that when you fuck the same girl all the time your dick doesn’t get all the way hard any more because you become less and less attracted to her, especially as she gets older, and so the result is that previously strong erections become underwhelming and now you have a “boyfriend dick.”
i repeat: it’s not that your boyfriend’s dick is small, it’s that he’s sick of fucking you, and that idiot you found on tinder with the huge punisher only seems that way to you because that guy got to experience real genuine physical love. and was quite possibly juiced up with sildenafil, if he’s anything like me, and he plays to win.
Absolutely pathetic. Liked.