Picking Up a Schizo Homeless Girl at McDonalds

You can just do things

in Raleigh, North Carolina

Last night I picked up a schizo homeless girl from the McDonalds and took her into the back of my van. I'm not sure if she was schizophrenic per se, or just retarded, or mentally disturbed in some other way…

She was a south Asian girl in her mid 30s, not bad looking, pretty cute actually, and I made the mistake of sitting in her direct line of sight, less than 10 feet away from her nervous body and her Wal Mart bags (a tell-tale sign of homelessness & poverty in america) — when I pulled out my laptop to do some work, which prompted her to yell "YOU A STUDENT?"

“no…”

"WHAT YOU STUDY? YOU IN SCHOOL?"

"…no, i work. i'm an adult."

Everyone thinks I’m a fucking kid. She started scream-asking these questions from across the McDonalds, which should've been my first sign I was dealing with a homeless retard, but again she was decent looking and it's been a few weeks since I had a conversation with a stranger so I took my meal-tray and joined her at the table.

She had a thick accent of unknown origin, she was clearly not from the US but she could not tell me where she was from, or what she was doing, she could not stop talking but also she could not construct a sentence to tell me anything.

Her sentences were like if you randomized the placement of words in these sentences, like so:

“She words thick doing where accent US randomized placement tell not was could clearly talking unknown sentence from origin what if these not construct the had…”

^ That is the type of stuff I was dealing with..

plus throw in the words Jesus, God's grace, Faith, Southern Baptist Church, The Lord, Adam and Eve, Fruit of Knowledge, every 8 seconds…

I could not make out a god damn thing she was trying to say but I just let her keep yapping 'cause I feel she hadn't been listened to in a while and I hadn't gotten to stare so shamelessly at an Asian girl's face in a long time myself.

new york im coming…

She was probably really pretty 10 years ago. She probably got Used a lot by guys like me, if she really did grow up in the US as she said, she was probably in a cult, I have to guess these things because she could not communicate with me at all. Her brain was fucked by God and Jesus.

After like 30 entire minutes of this (… it's really hard for me to leave people) I get up to go.. she says take my email and I say OK and she takes 10 more minutes to put her email in my phone…

but in her next endless babble she mentions "i need a ride" and I say fuck it, sure.

Where do you wanna go. Storage unit? Sure.

She's not here with anyone, nobody brought her to this McDonalds, she actually said she works here, which I cannot fathom because this person is not fit to work anywhere… perhaps she could be a foot masseuse if her mouth was taped shut.

She looked like she needed help though, and was, at the end of the day, kind of hot, so I took her and her three big homeless bags out from the McDonalds into my camper-van in the parking lot. She saw the inside of the van and went WOW!! You live in here!?

And I said yes, it's amazing, if you could shut up and listen to anything I say for 4 seconds you would be amazed by my life, I'm a writer—whatever you can't do it, so we just drive to her storage unit and she's squatted down in the back of the van, she wouldn't dare sit on the bed like most my guests do, she says "why you help me?"

Maybe it dawns on her retarded schizo godfucked brain that I could get in the back and rape her, it sounds like she's been raped before, and honestly if she's getting into random niggas vans like this she will probably be raped again, not by me though, she lucked out with me I'm just a sensitive young man trying to do a good thing for a person for once. Giving back after all the pain I've caused to the Asian Female species.

She didn't mention drugs once in her endless inscrutable babble but she did mention Jesus about a thousand times. She said I have the Lord in me. I said I am lonely. The only thing this woman knows is that she does not want to touch me.

In the McDonalds she said I have beautiful eyes and I remind her of the actor from the Movie "Magic" (i look him up and he’s ugly/creepy, great) and she saw something good in me and I know exactly what she means.

But now when we park at her storage place and she starts to talk endlessly again and I jump from the drivers seat into the bed in the back she becomes extremely afraid and says nO YOU CANT DO THAT!!

Yes I can. I live in this van. If you don't want to keep talking you can get out and go. She doesn't. She's lonelier than me and nobody ever listens.

She learns a little more about my life when I hand her the script of "Worst Boyfriend Ever" and actually starts to ask me some questions.

She's still terrified I might touch her. She has no idea how much she'd love to touch me. Stupid bitch, we're supposed to touch each other, it feels good, I'm not going to rape you just hold my fucking hand, I'm lonely over here.

I don't say any of this I just look at her.

She says OK I will take my bags into the storage unit and be right back. I say OK. She takes her bags into the storage unit (which is where she lives maybe?) and a few minutes go by and I realize that this is pointless, I have a quest to return to, so I just start the car and drive away.

Her name was Malia. Goodbye Malia. I will see you on the second lap around the country. In Raleigh North Carolina.