I dreamt of her again last night. It was vivid, I saw her face in full HD. It was my current day self and her college-day self, I looked straight at her and made her giggle uncomfortably. Of all the dreams I’ve had of her, this was the most enjoyable. Her face was a bit older but still had that sweet undeniable smile she always had. I don’t think I ever saw this girl frown, not even once, though she was definitely sad, as all smart girls are.
In the dream it was Mandy and Liz, we were on a double date. I don’t remember who my male counterpart could have been. It probably morphed between a few people. It doesn’t matter.
I told her the truth. I even told her about the writing. I told her the thing I’ve been mentally telling every girl lately, before I meet them. Okay, so I write this thing, and it’s really dark, no, it’s more like, disgusting, like it’s not even dark in a good way, it’s just.. it’s not bad, like, it’s very entertaining, and people like it, and even i like it, but the subject matter is just some really bad human being stuff, you know bojack horseman? it’s like, one of those guys, who can’t stop hurting people.
i can’t help but tell her that people like it, it’s good, i’m not like other writers, my last few posts have all been absolute bangers, so i’m nervous to post again because I think what i’ve got here isn’t as good as what I’ve posted, and i don’t want to lose that “legendary” status i’m building on substack, where when i post it’s a big deal because my shit is really tight and unique and you can't get it anywhere else. people are DMing me telling me i need to write a book. girls asking where i live. i swear to god,i haven’t spent all this time alone on nothing. i swear to god, i left for a reason.
i don’t remember what else i said to mandy in that dream but it was good, so good. and then i woke up to the warm oregon sun. first sunny morning in a week. i have a date today.
today marks one week, by the way, of being on the road. so cheers to that.
It's the Idea of Mandy that's got you. I mean she's a real writer and all, so perhaps there's some envy there too. But would your life be different in that alternate reality where you had the guts back then to make it happen with her? Would you two be soul-mates and all that stuff, achieving your goals together, living happily ever after?
No. You'd be writing a blog about how tired you are of your girlfriend Mandy.
Eugene, Oregon 10.29.24
I dreamt of her again last night. It was vivid, I saw her face in full HD. It was my current day self and her college-day self, I looked straight at her and made her giggle uncomfortably. Of all the dreams I’ve had of her, this was the most enjoyable. Her face was a bit older but still had that sweet undeniable smile she always had. I don’t think I ever saw this girl frown, not even once, though she was definitely sad, as all smart girls are.
In the dream it was Mandy and Liz, we were on a double date. I don’t remember who my male counterpart could have been. It probably morphed between a few people. It doesn’t matter.
I told her the truth. I even told her about the writing. I told her the thing I’ve been mentally telling every girl lately, before I meet them. Okay, so I write this thing, and it’s really dark, no, it’s more like, disgusting, like it’s not even dark in a good way, it’s just.. it’s not bad, like, it’s very entertaining, and people like it, and even i like it, but the subject matter is just some really bad human being stuff, you know bojack horseman? it’s like, one of those guys, who can’t stop hurting people.
i can’t help but tell her that people like it, it’s good, i’m not like other writers, my last few posts have all been absolute bangers, so i’m nervous to post again because I think what i’ve got here isn’t as good as what I’ve posted, and i don’t want to lose that “legendary” status i’m building on substack, where when i post it’s a big deal because my shit is really tight and unique and you can't get it anywhere else. people are DMing me telling me i need to write a book. girls asking where i live. i swear to god,i haven’t spent all this time alone on nothing. i swear to god, i left for a reason.
i don’t remember what else i said to mandy in that dream but it was good, so good. and then i woke up to the warm oregon sun. first sunny morning in a week. i have a date today.
today marks one week, by the way, of being on the road. so cheers to that.
It's the Idea of Mandy that's got you. I mean she's a real writer and all, so perhaps there's some envy there too. But would your life be different in that alternate reality where you had the guts back then to make it happen with her? Would you two be soul-mates and all that stuff, achieving your goals together, living happily ever after?
No. You'd be writing a blog about how tired you are of your girlfriend Mandy.
I love this.
Go the nearest bar, get a beer, shoot some pool, get a small tattoo and then join the Marines!
Beautiful prose. Thank you for sharing this.
good luck man
Do you go to Oxford by any chance and does she like horses?