I was terribly horny today for no reason at all.
I messaged a hooker on Tryst. She didn’t respond.
I messaged several girls on Feeld. I matched with an 18 year old with a decently cute face and what looked like big soft tits and she said lets hook up tomorrow. i said okay. she lives 76 miles away, in the woods. she said you’ll have to wait for my parents to go to sleep. i’m so horny i don’t give a fuck, i’ll do whatever it takes.
She says “we can hook up in the RV” i’m like sure, sounds great! so now the plan is for me to drive out to the middle of nowhere, CA to go fuck this 18 year old girl in an RV while her parents are asleep in the house, from 8pm to 2:30 am, which is when they sleep, for some reason.
why is this what i’m doing with my life. they’re going to call the cops, or kill me. this is trump country. her dad is going to show up with a gun and blow my stupid brains out. that’s the end of my story, the end of sensitive young man, worst boyfriend ever, he drove up to Willits, CA one night after work to fuck a teenager from Feeld and they crawled into the RV in her front yard and her parents heard what was going on and they came out with a gun and her dad when he saw me was so disgusted by the totality of the situation that in a fit of impassioned rage he just shot me in the fucking head. i don’t know what it’s like to be a father, but i imagine that’s pretty tough sight to see.
now imagine she’s not even 18, she’s 16. i make her present her ID to show me that she really is 18 but she won’t do it because she’s really 16 and a half but i drove all the way up here so fuck it i just go through with it anyway because that’s the kind of person i am now. i give this girl an experience she’ll never forget, while she’s still young enough to really feel it. she gets pregnant instantly. her parents are extremely religious. she has to keep it. my life is over in a different way. oy vey,
worst part is i actually did it.
and as i drove deep into the sticks and got that text from her telling me to '“be quiet, we have dogs” and “we can’t leave, my parents are tracking my phone” and the monumental retardation of it all finally set in, i couldn’t help but think to myself:
I hope this is an intervention.
it wasn’t. i made her flash her ID, she was 18. but honestly, i prob would’ve gone through with it either way.
who cares. she had a fat white girl ass and no tats and she just wanted to fuck. She told me she just wanted to fuck and I told her I was high and she told me she was NOT on birth control so you’re gonna to have to pull out but I couldn’t do it because her body was just so heavenly and I am a disgusting monster.
and then she went right back on her phone, fielding messages from about 20 zoomer guys with perms on snapchat and i felt so empty and alone.
i felt an intense moment of sympathy for my parents, for every adult who ever tried to reach me, but lost me to the phone.
i realized how lonely and discarded they must have felt, and how my parents must feel that way all the time now that I’m gone and I never, ever call.
Lily, a few things:
i definitely came inside you, a little bit. sucking my dick after to ‘milk the semen out so we can go again’ is not a solution to the whole ‘lets not get knocked up at 18’ challenge — if you get pregnant do not tell your folks, just kill it.
the way you use your phone is horrific. i would tell you to see a therapist, but even they won’t understand. 8 dating apps, notifications buzzing wildly. new snapchat every 4 seconds. all the guys look the same, it was a nightmare. your generation is simply fucked.
honestly, i don’t know what you need.
but i do know that if you keep letting random guys hit it raw like this, you’re going to get an STD and you’re going to get pregnant real quick— maybe that’s what you deserve.
also someone saw me get into my car on the way out. as i ran from your yard to my parked car on the road’s shoulder, a pickup truck was pulling in next door. i must assume he saw me.
i don’t know if this is the kind of neighborhood where if you see something you say something, but i would not be surprised if whoever was in that truck called your folks and said:
“hey, i saw a shady character run out near your house around midnight on Tuesday, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would ya?”
to which they would respond “No…” and the rest is in God’s hands.
There’s a lot in God’s Hands here. As always.
Now off to work, and my 9AM meeting where I pretend like none of this happened, and I report on the KPIs of our most recent email marketing campaigns, synthesizing key learnings to optimize our efforts with data-driven decisions. Also I have a girlfriend.
thought you could only get it up to asians and mexicans from what i've read so far
This is the type of story that makes the Fargo series theme song play in my head. Decide for yourself if that is a good or bad thing.