The End of Worst Boyfriend Ever

I broke up with my girlfriend last week.

She asked if we were renewing our lease and I said “actually no, sorry, i’m getting a van and driving away”

And that is exactly what I did.

I couldn’t explain anything to her, with the cheating, and the prostitutes, and the blog, because where would I even begin.

I sold all my things, even my car, on Facebook Marketplace, over the course of one huge week.

She cried herself to sleep every night until I left.

I bought a 2005 Chevy Astro for $4,000 and it works perfectly, it hasn’t given me a single problem. But it could, and I would be fucked.

Because now I live in it. I sleep in parking lots, I shit at Planet Fitness, I eat McDonalds every night. Last night I got 10 nuggets for $1, on the app.

It has been the best week of my life. I am finally free.

Also I quit my job. My boss called me into his office after I was “late” for the 1000th time and I said erm Actually no, I quit. And no I don’t have another offer lined up. I bought a van and I’m just going to drive away.

I’ll make money doing odd jobs on craigslist and also my DOGECOIN is rapidly increasing in value so I’ll be okay for a while.

thank you Trump-san for dodging that bullet

I told this to anyone who asked, including my parents, and they all, more or less, cheered me on.

They said “I’ve seen Van Life on YouTube, that’s awesome man! Good for you!”

But I don’t know what the fuck that is, I’m just running away, I hate my life and I hate making my girlfriend feel so ugly because of the person I am and Seattle gets depressingly dark and cold in the winter and so I’m just driving South, down the west coast, chasing the sun.

I need Adderall to produce all these words, but I knew I would lose my health insurance when I quit my job, so I told my psychiatrist I was going on a “long vacation” in December, asking for 2 months supply upfront, which he granted. He will never hear from me again.

I have friends up and down the west coast because I’m a professional people pleaser sociopath and so when I get to their city they love to see me. And sometimes I even like to see them too.

Mostly though, I’m just writing, and running, and fucking, once in the van actually, because I’m single again, and after all, there’s nothing better than fresh love.

I don’t know what will become of this blog, it used to be my escape, where I could hide from my life, but now I have nothing left from which to hide.

The stories have all been completely literally true, it’s not a bit, I wish it was, but the only way I ever get anywhere interesting is by recording life as it is.

The End