Soaking

If you don't move up and down, it's not actually sex.

There’s something undeniably hot about those Mormon college students “soaking” in each other on twin XL dorm beds. 

Everyone they respect, all their life, has warned them: you can not fuck. You will die if you fuck, you will burn in hell forever. 

But they were so incredibly horny, these prime of their life teenage mormons, they needed to fuck so badly, that they employed a logical loophole: that doesn’t mean we can’t soak! 

That doesn’t mean we can’t… get wet and hard together and lay on top of each other and just stare longingly into each others’ eyes for a while! Technically that should be allowed!

We need a scientific study: what percentage of these ‘soakers’ just say fuck it and finish the job? What percentage of mormon college students can resist?

It’s Hot: if these couples are attracted enough to initiate this ridiculous ritual, they must be attractive enough to warrant such powerful lust in the first place. Basically uglies couldn’t be motivated enough to do something so stupid. 

I would love to read a first-hand account of a mormon student’s experience with “soaking” — the crisis of conscience, the gaslighting, the insane rationalizations you can only make under the influence of The Pussy, etc. 

I’m sure such an account exists.

Except for the fact that it’s probably not a real thing. Just a rumor somebody thought was funny, posted online, and caught on as truth. Like the eating spiders at night thing, completely fake. Just like everything on the internet. Completely fake.