i'm not cute. i'm a monster
that is why i live in hiding
my girlfriend posted a picture of us on social media app yesterday and said us<3 and it got a million likes and other girls telling her how ‘cute’ we are.
shut the fuck up, all of you. i’m not cute. i’m a monster. i fuck prostitutes and record these episodes in vivid detail and publish them online.
i jerk off thirty times a day and lie to everyone I know. no one knows me at all. we’re not cute. she’s dependent and i’m settling. it’s not cute.
i live in a straight jacket. i wish i could just turn to some girl and say: hey, can i just selflessly stare at you for a minute or so? can i just gaze longingly at your body? like a painting, like you can’t tell i’m doing it? like you’re a video on a screen?
it was at this moment i that realized what i want to do is “goon” to girls in real life like i do to videos on screens. also that this tea is not caffeinated. i’m not getting anything done today am i. just writing aimlessly about pussy.
sadly tiredly staring into my glowing screen like i do every single day of the week anyways. female specimen to right also typing angrily into her screen. wondering if she’s doing the same thing i am, knowing she’s not.
knowing she’s writing about gender theory or doing some essay for some class she doesn’t give a shit about, knowing that nobody does this like me: goes out into public to produce these embarrassing little stream of consciousness smut diaries.
i muster the bravery to take a real glance at her screen, and she’s writing an email. how quaint. maybe i should AirDrop this to her.
You are very cute and this is too. This is also very human; to be enthralled in chaos. Just don’t turn your awareness of your body against you. it’s like Ouroboros: he doesn’t need to eat his tail to be whole because he already is whole. The feeling of brokenness is an illusion or a false projection of the mind onto the body. Woooooo (those were ghost noises)
@tess is a liar, this is not cute. Not that I care, because I don't. It's honest so I like it. It's not like your gf really cares too much about the foul thoughts constantly present in your mind anyway. She just wants the dick and some nice pictures for IG. Thats the only cute part.