Fucking This French Girl in My Van at 12 PM Noon in Broad Daylight

she was NOT a slut... i swear

MY YELLOW FEVER IS CURED!

I’m sick of playing games. I met Emma at a coffee shop at 9 and we fucked in my van at Noon. I was street parked. We were in Florida, between Miami and Orlando. Can’t be more specific because doxxing is gay.

But I’m not— is what I remembered when we found ourselves in the back of the van on the bed and I turned the AC up and she started to cuddle me and I put the window blinds up and she asked if the windows were tinted and I said “yes” but really it’s more like a half-tint but it doesn’t matter ‘cause she has to go to work in 20 minutes and she’s NOT a slut…

She Doesn’t Usually Do This she swears and I’m so horny/stupid I believe her— my dick is unfolding from inside my jeans and I don’t know why, we’re in such a public place we can hear Black voices outside (it’s Florida) and I’m starting to say some stupid shit like “i need to see you later, i could get an airbnb…” until it starts to click in both our heads that we could just do this right now, what’s going to happen, why not—

Well there were many great reasons why not, we could get caught by any random stranger walking down the street or a cop and get put on a list as sex offenders for the rest of our lives (i should probably be on one already),

plus she’s going to be late to work at her new job if it takes me any longer than 20 seconds to cum, we both know this and so I say “alright i’m just going to cum inside you immediately okay? is that okay?” and in retrospect i regret asking for permission,

in my head i remember

Delicious Tacos

who always cums instantly in every story and i see now that’s because he doesn’t fuck for the woman he fucks for himself. and now finally so am I. there’s no game, i’m not putting on any kind of show, I’m saying out loud “YOLO YOLO YOLO” as i strip off my clothes as fast as I can in the 5x10ft van street-parked in a very public place and honestly the freaking window might have even been open and I’m ripping off her skirt and getting up on top of her in missionary and noticing she has really gorgeous nipples, like a renaissance painting (can you tell i don’t fuck white girls often), they’re perfectly pink like a baby cherub, she’s looking 500% hotter than she did back in the cafe and my hands are in her hair and before I know it I’m face-to-face fucking her and instantly with no thought at all just cumming inside her and wanting to say “Thank You” but instead keeping my stupid mouth shut.

She was NOT a slut

She was not a slut. She had leg tattoos but she’s not a slut. She had a kid but she’s not a slut. She fucked me 3 hours after meeting me but she’s not a slut.

She told me I Don’t Usually Do This I Swear and yeah that’s what they all say but I really believe her—

She’s been reading the blog for a while. She’s taken an intimate long-term tour of my mind, and so when she meets me, she’s already known me for like 6 months. Or however long she’s been in on this sick joke for. If she just met me off the street then yeah she’d be a slut. But I know that sex wouldn’t be 1/10th as fun, I hate manipulating girls into sex it’s not fun it’s not cool it’s like ordering coffee from Starbucks,

She wants me to stay but I asked her about 3 minutes after I came— would you be upset if I just immediately kept driving up North to Orlando from here? And she said “honestly yeah,” but I did it anyway. Not because I hate her but because I love myself.

I will not waste time entertaining you bitches any longer. I will be honest about what I want from you and if that’s just sex then sorry baby that’s what I’m going to say. I’m sorry you only got about 20 seconds of my dick Emma but our memory will last forever. I don’t know about you but I am getting the fuck out of Florida, I refuse to live my homeless coked out life sleeping in a pool of my own sweat listening to Florida Blacks arguing loudly outside the Planet Fitness.

Driving away I actually do feel a little bad for her…

There is one crucial part of this story I forgot to mention: I was not the guy she was supposed to meet this week.

She was supposed to meet my online friend Nick. Unbeknownst to me, Nick had been cultivating an online relationship with her for a few weeks, sending her things, spending long nights on the phone, making a real connection with this real human being, when…

When this happened. And she inexplicably canceled on him. I am not making this shit up. He spent $2,000 on a flight and airbnb. He’s got a lot of money but in this episode he got cucked by a homeless faggot twink.

I didn’t do it on purpose… I had no idea.

Here’s how we both found out:

1. Thursday he messaged me “hey man you gonna be in florida? i’m flying out there to meet an e-girl”
   
   me: Yeah, see you there maybe, LMK
   

   *He doesn’t tell me who. I make my own plans, separately.
   

2. Sunday he messaged me “actually man she canceled on me. I bought an airbnb and a flight and everything. nonrefundable. fuck my life. she follows you by the way.”

…

dude… call me…

he calls me. it’s even worse than i imagined. so much worse. he said they’ve been talking very intimately for weeks, told each other i love you,

it hurts to type this i am so sorry to the both of you, don’t worry no one reads this far they stopped reading after I came,

my online friend Nick is telling me about what an awful lying whore she turned out to be and i am speechless.. i feel so bad for everyone involved except myself… he says the Airbnb is nonrefundable, and so like an absolute Nigger i ask him: “…can i… use the room?”

No. No you can’t dude. No.

i don’t belong in society

Now I’m sitting in this McDonalds with an empty ballsack and I don’t know what to tell either of these people or anyone. It would be cute to say that Emma threw away something real for something fake but who knows, maybe we don’t fuck for love we fuck to learn, and I think we all learned a valuable lesson here today. Hopefully. Show goes on.