Exploiting My OnlyFans Girlfriend
For the past few weeks I've been living in hotels with a girl who makes way too much $$$ on OnlyFans.
A lot of girls DM me on here. But back in late April, I received the most pathetic message request I’d ever seen:
In case you’re having trouble parsing it, she’s saying she tells her male friends on Discord to change their PFP to mine, so she can pretend she’s talking to Worst Boyfriend Ever.
At first I couldn’t believe it. I was in San Francisco at the time, the land of no pussy.
This girl has over 1 million followers on twitter, spread out over 4 accounts. 500k on Instagram. 800k on TikTok. And they all re-direct to her grossly profitable OnlyFans.
And SHE didn’t think I would reply.
I thought for-sure she would lose interest by the time I arrived in LA. I was going to take my time driving down the coast, but she seemed like an especially interesting subject, and I know that these 21 year old e-girls have the attention spans of rats, so I just sped down from SF in one long drive.
I had no intention of any kind of commitment, the last thing I wanted was a girlfriend.
The first night we met I took her to a strip club. It was 1:15 AM, because that’s how long it took for her to get drunk enough to agree to meet up with me.
She was wrapped in a tight dress holding a leather bag with an extremely full face of makeup. However short you think 4’10 is, she was shorter in person. And however nervous you think a shut-in girl must be to meet Worst Boyfriend Ever for the first time and get in my van in the middle of the night, she was more nervous than that. I was nervous too, but not too nervous, because I had a plan: take her to a strip club.
The strip-club first date served several purposes:
It was one of the few public places open at 2 AM on a Thursday.
She has definitely never been to one of these before. I wanted her to associate the excitement of a new experience with the feeling of being with me.
I knew it would make her jealous, to be exposed to the beautiful bodies of all these normal sized women.
She lives in a world of constant validation. Her DMs are full of retarded men begging to give her money, telling her how beautiful sexy hot etc. she is, she’s numb to it all. So my strategy was to make her feel jealous, inferior, unwanted, as I put my hands all over the big juicy thighs of all these other professionally-sexy girls.
Worked like a god damn charm. I took $80 out of an ATM and equipped her with $40 1s. She had never been to a strip club, she didn’t know the etiquette, she was so nervous. I mocked her for being nervous. All the strippers called her “so cute.” You guys are so cute together! I laughed. We were the only patrons in the entire club.
We ran out of 1s and headed to an empty booth upstairs. I didn’t ask I just shoved her into a tall booth and started kissing her. She seemed to enjoy this. Eating out of the palm of my hand (literally… I’d cup my open palm over her mouth). A male member of the staff came upstairs and “caught” us — which I’m sure she found very hot. He said You Can’t Be Up Here. Are You Looking to Buy a Couples Dance? I said Sure! But then instead of doing that I just took her to leave.
I learned a lot about her that night. We were in the back of my van. She said guess how much I make a year? I said Uhh… 500k. She said higher. I said Uh… 1 Million. She said lower. I said great. So why are you reaching out to me? She labeled herself about a hundred times: well i’m a high IQ looksmaxxing content creator autistic femcel high agency homeschooled 4’10 wasian and I dont know I want a guy with brown hair and blue eyes and I was reading your stuff and I was like I think this guy might be smarter than me.. I said Yes, I am.
I asked her do you ever talk to the guys who pay you? She said usually no, I have an agency do that. They pretend to be me. I said Wow, and asked how much they take from her earnings. She said well like 30% but I’m re-negotiating with them and also my roommate is saying he wants to be my manager and this other guy is trying to be my boyfriend and also my manager and I can’t tell if they would actually be helpful or they’re just trying to use me for my money and I don’t know and you’re really hot and I didn’t think you would be so hot and I also have a mercedes and if you want to drive my mercedes you totally can like it’s fine like my roommates drive it all the time because i dont have a license and you’re probably a much better driver than them cause you drive around so much and —
Uh huh…
She was a hypochondriac. Back at her apartment she made me wash my hands like four fucking times before-during-and-after we hooked up. Did you wash your hands? Can you wash your hands first? I said what the fuck… I’ve been doing this for years now and I have never meet a girl so terrified of germs. She said yeah sorry I have OCD and i’m autistic and also i need my face to be clean for work because if i get acne that’s so bad for my work and so can you just —
Stop. Stop stop stop. The living room was gorgeous. Floor to ceiling glass windows panes overlooking the city of LA. A balcony for the potentially glorious suicide. A huge TV she bought and never uses. Two early twenties males who apparently don’t fuck her and I believe her when she says it. She sleeps on an air mattress because she didn’t see any “point” in building a frame.
I can’t fuck on an air mattress so I suggested we leave, to the Airbnb I had rented earlier, just for this night.
Luckily for me she had a significant rape kink. I think it’s more of a fetish for being wanted. So like a gentleman I drove her to my airbnb and washed my hands six more times and took a shower and then joined her on the bed and pulled all her clothes off and fucked her and came inside her while she was telling me no. Usually the girls I meet are too strong for us to do this in a way that feels “real.” But this girl was a little 4’10 munchkin who never exercises, so she was just simply not strong enough to push me off.
I would say that I “couldn’t help it” but that’s not true, I could help it, and chose to do it anyway. I chose to cum inside her, this person I just met tonight, because I kind-of hated her for making me wash my hands so many times, and I knew she would take it as a compliment.
I bought her Plan B the next day of course. She worried about whether it’s effective. Whether condoms are effective. Whether she’s going to get acne, and how much of it. She worried about everything. I have been through all this so many times I just assume I’m invincible.
Over the next few weeks we got increasingly close, and she fell in love with my homeless lifestyle, and I became more and more comfortable using her for her money.
For our next date she came to my show in LA, where I used her as a prop, to show other girls how cool I am:
Around this time I was directionless.
After my show I was recruited by the producer of a conservative men’s magazine based in LA. They wanted me to write for them, for money. Oh, so like a job. Okay. They wanted me to do “gonzo journalism,” which I was excited to do, because I thought it might influence me to break out of my routine.
My first assignment was to attend an “IRL Dating Event” and report on the experience.
I did the thing. Before doing the thing I took a hotel room at the Sheraton, by the airport, in case I Got Laid. I also took Molly, to make it more enjoyable for myself.
The article lives here. I can’t post it on Substack because if I do that then the guys who paid me $500 for it will kill me.
Long story short I ended up in the hotel room with Annabelle instead. Fucking her on-molly.
That next morning is when I finally grew the balls to start asking for money.
She said do we have to check out at 11?
I said if you want another night, buy it for me. She said OK.
The next morning we had a similar conversation. Except this time she said Why don’t I just get us a room for a week. At a “cuter” hotel. We can take pictures for my OnlyFans.
I said Okay, if you insist!
Later that day, driving the van to the beach, I heard an advertisement on the radio. It mentioned that Larry David was in town, for the “Netflix is a Joke” Comedy festival. Shane Gillis, Louis CK, wow…
All at once I realized how I would spend the next week in LA. I’d go see a different live stand up show every day of the week, and write about all of them, and sell that article to the Magazine, and call it “Fear and Laughing in Los Angeles.”
She never once asked for exclusivity. I took this as a green light to see other girls.
I’m not evil. I wanted to make the experience productive for her too, if possible. Maybe even profitable. So I became her photographer:
And then the world was buying me tickets to a stand up show, every day of the next week.
I wrote about and posted about each one:
I was trying to write something unique, and funny, and true, that could go viral, every day of the week, while also trying to get laid, and please Annabelle, and the Magazine, make people feel like their investment in me was well-spent…
After Adam Friedland I broke down:
On my last day in LA we got brunch. She had several mimosas because she’s an alcoholic. I said I needed to leave the city, I was feeling overwhelmed socially and needed to start driving East. She said she didn’t want me to leave. She didn’t want to go back to her normal life. She can’t stand her roommates and she likes being with me, even if she has to pay for everything. I said if you really mean that then join me in the van. Run away with me. Live with me in the van as we drive across the country. She was unsure. “But I have a lease, and my roommates will hate me…”
I said Okay that’s fine, and dropped her off at her place and said goodbye.
I drove alone to Big Bear, a couple hours East. I rented a cabin for a really cheap price, like $40 a night, because it was the “off season” in May.
A few days later she called me. She said my Mom wants to go to Vegas. This next weekend. Do you want to meet in Vegas and go from there? I can take all my bags.
I said yes, that would be good, let’s meet in Vegas. And go from there.
contemporary don quixote if contemporary don quixote had yellow fever and a sex addiction
Onlyfans destroys the female psyche and in return she gets 70% of 50% of what legions of men give her in droves. And she's still a multimillionaire. Insane.