Today I’m walking through Redacted Island listening to an audiobook: Carl Jung: Memories, Dreams, Reflections, the ego, unconscious, etc. Typical Jung stuff.
Jung describes his meeting with Freud. Freud was convinced that sexual traumas were at the heart of all other traumas, sex is the only thing that is ‘real,’ everything else is just a facade, all of culture, all of society, just a facade, all we’re really interested in is fucking, sex.
I’m not explaining it very well. But I was listening to this as I walked out of the asian massage parlor I had just patronized feeling that Freud must have been just like me.
He sees everything through the lens of sex, so he thinks everyone else must see it that way too. Sadly they don’t— it’s just you. Everyone else is doing a very good job of convincing themselves that things besides sex matter, that there are other reasons to get up in the morning, that we should value things like “friendship” and “fulfillment” and “love” … all I can see is sex.
Today I fucked the oldest woman I’ve ever fucked. I paid her $160 CAD, which must have been just over $100 USD, but really she should’ve paid me. As always. Here’s how it goes:
I decide I want female physical companionship right now. I am on vacation and have found a free hour or so away from my friends. I find an asian massage parlor near me. I find a way to get there. In this case, I walked in the hot island sun for 30-40 minutes, because Ubers cost money and my car is back home.
I walk in, greeted by Mama-san, who speaks to me in hushed tones, rushing me along. You want massage? You been here before? Come here, come with me, come here.
I need no convincing. I made up my mind weeks ago, I didn’t just stumble in here. Yes I want a massage. I am kind of mean now — “How many girls do you have here? It’s not just you is it?” She’s bitter but she gets it. She brings in Mimi, who is just barely younger but dressed up and make-up’d and has decently sizable breasts, pushed up in a mini-dress so I say fuck it and just go through with it.
I’ll never tell this to anybody I know, probably, but Mimi must have been in her 40s. My official guess: 42. I tried hard not to look too deeply at her face. I just felt so bad for her. So bad for me. I just felt so bad.
Mimi charged my credit card for $80 CAD for “back massage and hand job” and actually gave me a pretty awesome full body massage. neck, back, pussy, crack, etc. She really took care of me. In retrospect the body massage was probably the best part of the experience.
She kept saying “you have beautiful body… so beautiful body” which I guess is true, I’m lean and somewhat tall and muscular and I have small nipples and a wide frame and visible abs so yeah I guess I do have a beautiful body. And most real girls are just too shy to say it.
I considered trying to talk to her but what’s the point. There will be no personal connection here. I hated myself as soon as she walked in. I need the girl to be under 30 for me to care at all.
Here was the height of sexual tension: she started to give me a handjob and within three or four strokes I could tell I was going to cum immediately. She was really good at it. Old hands know best. As she’s stroking me she asks: what you want, hand job, blow job, full service, and I’m very aroused by the handjob so like a stupid idiot I say: fuck it, lets do full service.
She enjoyed it so much more than I did. I know there’s that cliche about hookers and prostitutes who pretend that they enjoyed the sex so much the idiot man thinks she’s in love but for me it’s real, I swear.
The way these women spasm and whine is involuntary, I know it. The way she kept whining “oh so good, so good, oh you feel so good” was no cunning attempt to console me— it was a deeply pathetic, un-self-conscious, automatic response.
After I came inside the condom inside her we just laid there soaking for a bit, like I do with my girlfriend. She just laid there beneath me, eyes closed, in peace. She didn’t want me to pull out. She hugged my lower back, squeezing me into her. Maybe she doesn’t get too many patrons here. I must have made her feel like a girl again.
I guess I did a good thing for a person today. Not to mention the money. Most of it probably goes to some pimp overseas anyway.
Why are you doing this to yourself?